A month back I posted an excerpt from the lyrics of Bring Me The Horizon's 'hospital for souls'. And I still didn't get rid of that feeling that I need to start all over again. These past weeks were mostly frustrating for me. It seems like nobody even cares to undestand me at work anymore, even the colleagues I work with every day talk shit about me the moment I turn my back. But I could get used to that somehow. What really bothers me is that I don't get anything done these days. I'm tired all the time and dead exhausted after work. Ever since we came back from Canada I've been at the edge of getting sick, always spending my remaining energy on oppressing the symptons as good as possible. For the last week now, I've been on sick leave and didn't do much but watching anime and sleeping. Still, I feel like I should have done more. Maybe finalize the painting I started months ago, finish reading Dan Brown's latest novel.. just something more. I often feel like I should be somewhere else. Maybe a short getaway with F, maybe even moving back to Canada.. just somewhere else. I'm so absolutely annoyed with myself it annoys me. That's what they call a vicious circle I guess.. It's hardly a secret that I'm not good at accepting anything positive about myself but this shit is a whole new level and spending five days all by myself, physically unable to do much didn't help the situation. My goal now is to recover completely and then start exercising again; it usually helps me a whole lot to get this kind of frustration out of my system. Plus F and I are really planning on going back to Munich for a long weekend in the not too distant future so that will certainly take my mind off things too. I just wish I could go and spend some hours at the ocean sometime soon, it always clears my mind and puts me at ease..
More coming soon.
xoxo
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