Who I am with you

Hey everyone,

While I kept my last entry comparatively short (at least I refrained from writing about all that I was thinking about) I now feel ready to talk about what I was holding back last time... As I've already mentioned, I've met someone special and I feel pretty great around him but there are also certain drawbacks and I spent a great deal of time brooding over whether to walk away or try harder. He literally had me at hello, we've already spent some memorable quality time together and I just can't stop thinking about him. But all I know is that if I decide to keep trying, it will require a lot of effort on my part and I just can't help wondering whether I'm strong enough. For once, I'd like someone who gives me the feeling that it's ok to be the weak one at times, someone who, in a way, is able to look after me but instead I've met yet another adorable nerd with bagage piled up as high as Mount Everest... He makes me smile as much as he makes me sigh. But is bagage, regardless of how heavy it might be, a real reason to not give it a shot or is it just an excuse to run from something that actually might have potential?

Needless to say that I was a little tiny bit confused xD It's those moments when I can't trust myself that I trust my closest friend's judgement. I don't have him actually deciding for me but when somebody knows you as well as he does know me, you're able to squeeze all those confusing thoughts into a rational structure and ask just the right questions. I still haven't decided how to proceed but for now, doubt might be enough reason to keep trying...

Apart from that I must say that I feel whole again as I was finally able to see my dear friend again. It was as if I was reconnected with a part of myself, as if the world was actually a pretty nice place to live on (what a weird thing to say!). I hadn't felt that free, that happy, that bubbly all summer long, and once again it was like first seeing the stars after a great storm... I came across something truly beautiful today and I believe it serves pretty well to emphasize what I'm trying to say: "I love you not only because of who you are but also because of who I am when I am with you."

<3

What a remarkable thought to leave you with :)

Until next time...

C