me 1, soccer 0

how do you know a guy loves you for sure?

when he picks taking a walk with you over watching champion's league on TV  - especially when he can't expect sex in return :D

<3<3<3

The one that makes me laugh when I don't even want to smile

Hi there again :)

Since I was already surprised to get any feedback at all on my first blog entry, I was stroken with astonishment to receive positive comments from my friends. Someone told me it made her cry and she wished she had someone like the friend I was telling you about in her life... those words left me taken aback and thoughtful at the same time.

As I had indicated it's not always easy between the two us and as I have to admit, it still is a daily fight. When someone we love feels like hiding himself and refuses any contact because they need a break from a reality that is hurting too much, it's a fight to stay strong. I needed to tell myself over and over again that when it happened, it's never been his way of showing me that he doesn't want me in his life but his way of escaping what he couldn't cope with any longer. I know this now but let me tell you, it will always hurt beyond words to see him suffer like that and to feel so bloody helpless because there isn't really anything I can do besides showing him that there's no way I'll leave. I can't imagine to ever get used to it, especially since he's probably the only one who can put my own pieces back together when I'm down. Anyway, my friend's words only reminded me of how lucky I am to call him a part of my life because despite all the struggles, he's still the one that makes me laugh when I don't even want to smile.

Already brooding over the next topic…

Until next time

The ones worth suffering for...

Never thought it would be that complicated to decide on the topic for my very first post but still I have literally been brooding over possible topics for almost a week now! I just love love loooooove to write but since I knew this was not to be about novel writing but about reflecting on myself and sharing my thoughts with others, I might have avoided getting started for real. And maybe, I was just afraid to actually have nothing to write about... aren't we all afraid of being insignificant?

Being 24, I already had my fair share of rejection, letdowns and heartbreaks and it still isn't that easy to let my guards down and share my thoughts with just anybody. However, I'm so lucky to be able to say that I have people in my life that fought hard for their place in it and made me overcome my worst fears. Those people are my family and those who remind me of who I am and what I am capable of when I forget. They are the ones who remind me every day that NOBODY is insignificant!

I learned the hard way that those who tell you that they love you oh so much are not necessarily those who really got your back. It's only two years ago that I met my closest friend and we fought a lot to get where we are today. Friendship is neither a question of time nor of what you say to each other. Matter of factly, he never told me he loved me but I know he does because it shows in what he's doing for me and how he's treating me. He put me through a lot and even when there were times I cursed or hated him, I'm thankful for every minute of it because he made me grow into the woman that I am today. He never pushed me to change but he made me change just by showing me the world outside my damn shell. It's because of him that I let go, came out of my inner hiding place, faced my struggles and are now willing to fight for myself as much as for him... Because he of all people struggles so much so accept the good in himself, refuses to understand how I can possibly believe in him and love him. He made me understand what it is like to suffer because someone you love suffers... because of him I'm able to feel again.

Sometimes love means sticking around until the person you love understands his/her actual importance even when you get hurt along the way. 

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." 

Bob Marley

Until next time...