Can't spend our lives waiting to live

Hey there,

It's been forever, I'm aware. I haven't blogged in over a year and although there were reasons for me taking that kind of break, they were mostly excuses. Writing this blog requires me to reflect on things, work on myself, admit to my failures and then, to make all that public. Something happened about a year ago that I could not bear to process that way, but instead of just postponing it to when I could, I found too many excuses for not blogging anything at all. I'm honestly sorry because as much as I let myself down, I let you down. I'm still hoping that reading about me finding my way in life helps others in similar situations to believe that for them, too, it is possible to find their very own way and that things, in fact, do get better eventually. 

This hope is exactly what motivates me to revive my blog now and I hope you're ready to continue this journey with me. I don't want to give away too much just yet, but I've got big plans for this little project of mine: A stranger's insights will be on facebook from Monday on the latest, there will be monthly blogs, much more personal details about myself and eventually maybe even a Q&A. Yup, I'm pumped. :D

Frankly, I'm just tired of making excuses for not going through with plans right away and I'm determined to break this habit of postponing things. After all, we can't spend our lives waiting to live. I want to write, I want to travel, I want to learn, I want to socialise, I want to connect and I'm not going to postpone any of this any longer.

I haven't been in hibernation for the past months though, I've continued learning, growing, accepting and loving and can't wait to process it all into blog entries. For tonight, however, I would just like to focus on the most significant change to my life in a long time: F is moving away. 

For the past three years or so, we've been living pretty exactly 100km apart - a distance which we managed to overcome almost every week, at least once a week. Back when I moved to Hamburg, Germany we had to switch from almost daily coffees after classes and occasional nights out to sticking to weekends and vacations. From next week on, however, there will be no less than the North Sea between us. 

Yes, I'm afraid and yes, naturally, I'm a little sad. But here's the thing about a friendship like ours: When your friend gets to follow his dreams, happiness prevails. Also, just because we can't see each other on a weekly basis anymore, it doesn't mean that we don't have each other anymore. There are airplanes and buses and trains. There are phones and texts and whatsapp and facebook messages and skype calls. And most of all, we carry each other with us everyday. 

My everyday life is highly affected by F, I'm always carrying him with me wherever I go: The voice inside my head reminding me to take care of myself, the guilt I feel if I don't and the comfort of knowing he's supporting me, truly wanting the best for me. Accepting to be loved has been the hardest challenge for me, but now that I irrevocably have, it's my responsibility to act accordingly and eliminate the negative in my life, focusing on all that makes me strive and flourish. I owe that to myself and F. 

Until next time, 

C